It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
