Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
