she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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