Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
