he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
pray to the hookup gods
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