I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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