so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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