Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
