If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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