I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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