You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
