I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
