my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
