I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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