i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
