rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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