I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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