I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
