He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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