I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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