Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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