When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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