can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
