So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
