I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
