And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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