Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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