i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am naked and annoyed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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