Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
