saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
