sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i think my cat just said my name.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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