We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
