He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
