Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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