I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize