I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
