I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
