2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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