How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.