I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.