Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.