A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
