Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.