You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.