Your face is a jimmy john
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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