awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
