She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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