"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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