He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
