Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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