morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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