Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's blow job season.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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