I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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