my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
