I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize