It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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