How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
