I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
