It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
