Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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