I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
