So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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