come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
