OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
