If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
