i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
