SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize