My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
