Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
