Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
