i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.