I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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