Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
