New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm getting married
To pizza
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