you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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