Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
