I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's on the porch naked. Help.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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