Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
